My Little Rainbow

As she introduces her beautiful son Ethan, Local Women’s Lisa Smyth describes the anguish of her fertility struggles, miscarriage and the difficult...

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Ruth Ellen Logan
9 May |5 minutes

After a horrible pregnancy, traumatic birth and post-natal depression I was convinced that my daughter, Grace, would be an only child.

But I was still shocked when aged just 36, I discovered I was at immediate risk of early menopause.

However, within a few months of getting this news, we found out I was pregnant and began to plan for our new arrival – unaware of the heartache that lay ahead.

I will never forget the day we went for our first scan, excited about seeing our little baby for the first time.

We left the appointment with broken hearts – our baby was gone.

While we were utterly traumatised by the miscarriage, the warning that time was running out for me was at the forefront of our minds, and I discovered I was pregnant again just a few months later. But I had a second miscarriage within a week of the positive test.

It was, and I was convinced that both losses were my fault.

It was after a meltdown one night that I sat at my computer and wrote an email to Ruth Ellen Logan to ask her advice.

Having interviewed her about her work, I knew that she had helped countless couples become parents. But I didn’t believe she could help me. I was going into early menopause, but I was so desperate.

However, she replied quickly to say that she had worked successfully with women in my position before and asked me to come and see her.
The first appointment couldn't come quickly enough, and Ruth Ellen spent almost two hours talking with me.

We discussed my first difficult pregnancy, the subsequent delivery, my two miscarriages and my general health. We talked about my post-natal depression, my mental health and diet.

No subject was off limits, but it was cathartic, to say the least, and I was relieved when, after examining me, Ruth Ellen told me she believed there was still hope.

Because of the possibility that I could be pregnant, Ruth Ellen was unable to do any abdominal massage, and she made me promise to do a pregnancy test the following week and let her know the result straight away.

As I left the appointment, armed with advice on dietary changes to improve fertility, I felt hopeful for the first time in months.

And so it was. Just a few days later I found out I was pregnant again.

However, I couldn’t let myself get excited, in fact, quite the opposite. I prepared myself for the worst and just worked on the assumption that I would have another miscarriage.

So, my weekly sessions with Ruth Ellen & her team were of great importance.

Not only did they provide reassurance that the pregnancy was progressing as you would expect, but they were also incredible when it came to emotional support.

They seemed to know as soon as I walked through the door whether I needed a hug and they never judged.

I walked in with the weight of the world on my shoulders and left feeling refreshed and confident.

Ruth Ellen’s team were invaluable when it came to preparing me for our new arrival and helped me to address the increased risk of post-natal depression.

I know that Logan Wellbeing has helped countless women become mums, but for me, it was the support I got throughout my pregnancy that means the world to me.

In the end, my beautiful, wonderful little rainbow baby, Ethan, was born healthy after deciding to make a shock appearance more than a month early.

He will never replace the babies that we lost, but when I look at his gorgeous little face and see his smiling eyes, it definitely makes it easier to bear.

My message is do not give up hope and seek help to make your dreams come true.

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